[There is a line up of birds besides a giant slingshot, with one bird walking the line back and forth. One bird, obviously a grizzled veteran, walks down the line while giving a pep talk to the young recruits.]
Veteran ‘Red bird’: Now, listen up recruits. You’re all here because you want to fight for your nest against the evil pigs, and win back the eggs that they so wrongly took from us.
Rookie ‘yellow’ bird: Uhh, actually, we’re here because we’re forced to be here. In fact, you’ve recruited every single bird from the nest. THOUSANDS of us.
Red bird: You listen here, private. These pigs have taken our eggs, our FUTURE, and you just want to sit around and do nothing? Well, SOME OF US want to win our eggs back!
Yellow bird: No, no, that’s not what I’m saying. All that I’m saying here is recruiting every one of us seems like overkill. I mean, once we lose, like, 50 birds on this mission, I think it might be time to give up.
Red: Oh, I’M SORRY, I DIDN’T KNOW WE COULD JUST GO HOME ANYTIME AND LEAVE THOSE EGGS TO DIE.
Yellow: Well…Yeah. We can. I mean, the pigs took them to eat them, right? So they’re probably already dead.
Red: AND THAT’S SUPPOSED TO STOP US?!?!?!
Yellow: But…I mean….is it really worth it to give up the lives of hundreds of birds for this? For godssake, these pigs built walls, bunkers, castles, and even a fake bubble bath to keep us out. By the time we get to the eggs, there will be a trail of thousands of dead birds. All for, what, ten eggs? Twenty?
Red: The eggs are our FUTURE, private. They took the next GENERATION.
Yellow: Do you realize that you drop OTHER EGGS on the pigs? Like, HUNDREDS of eggs? You turn them into makeshift bombs!
White:….Uh…He has a point, sir.
Yellow: Not to mention the birds you actually STICK BOMBS into and send them off to die.
Black: *Sobbing* for….For the nest!
 |
| Never forget. |
[Black bird launched, screams are heard as he flies through the air, an explosion, then, nothing.]
Yellow: Oh, and what about the little kids that you genetically modify to split into three like a bloody buckshot? You’re insane, commander.
Red: You listen here, runt. I’ve been shot out of that slingshot 50 times before you ever set FOOT on the battlefield.
Yellow: Oh, I’m sure you have. And then you follow a lazy arc, and crash into a slab of wood. Worst case, you break some bones. They’ll fix you up and you’ll be back here in no time. You’re sending most of us to CERTAIN DEATH.
White: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO GIVE BIRTH MID FLIGHT?!?!
Red: Ho…. How dare you? What about YOUR job? All you do is fly at them, as well.
Yellow: That’s true, but AT LUDCROUS SPEEDS. You know what happened last time I saw someone with my job launch at the pigs? THEY HAD TO PEEL HIM OFF THE CASTLE WALL.
Red: Uh….um….
Yellow: And what’s with the slingshot? WE’RE BIRDS. WE CAN FLY. We don’t have to splatter on a wall; we can swoop in, and target the pigs specifically. WHY DON’T WE DO THAT.
Red: We….. Uh…
Yellow: And you know what else? THE PIGS ARE GREEN. They’re obviously dying of some horrible disease, whether we attack them or not. FUCK THIS. I’m going to the dirty birdie strip club, who’s coming with?
[All birds but red leave.]
Red:…..Well, shit.
