My adventure with Dora the Explorer

Young children are very impressionable these days, and as such television can take advantage of their developing little minds to, say, build a child army and take over the world in an apocalyptic type invasion of 1 to 5 year olds, armed to the teeth with dirty diapers, projectile toys, and concentrated crying power.

IT'S LIKE DAGGERS IN MY EARS.

Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to observe one of the most popular children shows of all time.  I'm going to de-construct every aspect of the show, write them all down, and show you my findings, some of which will undoubtedly be about subliminally training babies in the art of assassination.

The world's strangest laws (With Jared Collins)

(Hello everyone, this is Evans speaking.  Today, we're introducing a new guest writer to the blog.  This guest writer is Jared Collins, and he is going to inform you of some of the strangest laws around the world.  Enjoy.)

Jared Collins here, and welcome, to the first of many articles that I will do on this blog.  (NOTE:  Take that out.That is not a guarantee. -Evans)  Yes, and since I will be a regular on this blog, I figured that I'll do something a bit different from Evans, and differ from the basic article format.  Not only am I going to write about these law from around the world, I'm going to write my personal thoughts on them.  So, here it is folks, the strangest laws of all time.

ShanYu: A story

Disney movies are usually pretty black and white storylines, and why shouldn’t they be?  The whole point of the Disney franchise is to entertain small children, and children love to watch an underdog hero beat an evil villain that no one likes, learning a valuable lesson on the way.  The Disney franchise has the responsibility to raise several millions of children while their parents are either working or drinking, respectively.  However, once in a while, Disney will let their guard slip, and a character so bad ass you can’t help but hope he wins slips through their system.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you ShanYu.

It's reassuring to know that no matter how awesome you are, you will never be THIS awesome.

This man is so bad ass that he could take on the entire Chinese army himself, but he chooses not to because that would mean getting his falcon bloody.  Instead he assembles an entire army for the sole purpose of killing the emperor of China.  I realize that this seems like the way to destroy the Chinese government and therefore make it easier to capture, but think about that for a second.  He has gathered warriors from all over this country, not to kill all the just to kill one five hundred year old man.  Even most military generals would take one look at this plan, turn their army around, and go and get smashed at a local bar, he chooses to go along with it because hey, why the fuck not.